The Guilt-tripper

I am a 34-year old restless person who is forever planning ‘something different’. I initiate projects but lack the patience for execution. I want to do too many things at the same time – have a 9-5 job, hold weekend baking classes, read fiction, write spooky stories and spend relaxed evenings with my family. But all this makes me a guilt-ridden person too. A guilt-ridden mom since I spend less time with my son now. As a daughter who has not taken her mom out for a shopping spree in the last three years. As an absentee friend who can never take out time for her best friend.  As a wife who says no to dates and as an aspiring fiction writer who is still not able to overcome mediocrity.

I am fair and average height (don’t listen to my husband!) and slightly on the heavy side (my son calls my tummy jelly belly so I guess you get the drift). I have two beautiful eyes, two chins and two chicken arms. There is no subtlety in my smile – I am all for baring all your teeth and grinning when you are happy, irrespective of the level of happiness so there! hope I drew a beautiful picture for you. Big earrings and a big purse, colorful eye liners and bangles along with a straight posture- all these things make me feel pretty. err pretty clothes too of course.

Waking up to the smell of coffee brewing, my child saying I love you before he says good night, and my weight staying under that number every morning. These are my daily small achievements that make me say yay… A jog (read brisk walking) in a lush park, baking a good bread and reading a good book uninterrupted are the simple things that make me very happy enough to start singing loudly (my definition of very happy). My dream is to work for the New Yorker someday! But on a more practical note, I hope one day I will be able to go for an early morning walk or even a late-night walk without the fear of getting raped or abducted.

My life-altering moment could actually be called life-altering self realization! It was when i quit work after a decade. I wanted to enjoy life as a homemaker. Within the first month I was back on naukri.com looking for a job! I realized I can never be happy sitting at home.

I was raised in a small city in a middle-class-joint-family, so, I guess I learnt to adjust early. I studied in a nun-dominated missionary school and grew up in a house full of girls so i am not very comfortable dealing with the opposite sex even now. Right from my childhood i was made to understand that i needed to be on my own feet & toes when i grew up which has made me a bit OCD about being gainfully employed all the time but back then I was the official black sheep of the family since I broke the trend and studied commerce instead of science. Needless to say my father was disappointed since he wanted doctor, engineer kids. I disappointed him further my announcing my intent to be a journalist. To dissuade me he made me meet a jhola-clad, bicycle-riding seasoned journalist but I preserved (we negotiated and settled on ‘business journalism’ to be exact!) and I am glad to say he was teary eyed often when he saw my name in print. In the last 12 years i have tried my hands at being an assistant show producer, full time journalist, banker-researcher, freelance writer and a baking coach. The current (4 months to be exact) field of occupation is communication.  Amen to that.  

Life’s motto - What goes around, comes around, so be good to people always.