The Conscientious Believer

Who am I? I am the mother of a 20-month old adorable baby girl. I am also a wife, a sister and a daughter but all these roles have taken a backseat for now as I feel being a mother is what defines me right now as I want to do everything right and still learning so many new things about this new relationship.  

To describe me I would say I am close to average in height and still in the process of losing all that baby fat but you will always find me smartly dressed with a ready smile on my face. A few inches, a little gloss and healthy hair is my secret to looking pretty always and I don’t want to change anything about myself, at least physically, but yes otherwise I wish I could be more manipulative. I feel that my straight forwardness plays the spoilsport every time I am dealing with a tricky situation. And as you know there are lots of such situations in life so I yes I want to learn those tricks too.

What am I doing? Right now, I am at home cooking food for my baby and hubby, spending that rare time that we three get together. I enjoy pretending to my daughter pretending to drink tea made by her. I also looooveee reading to her from her ever-increasing library. This is my favorite part of the day, especially since if it’s an off day and the non-stop all day rain has made my balcony picturesque. 

I am a media professional, with an erratic work schedule and after enjoying TV madness for over a decade and performing in a stressful and short deadlines type environment, I would like to step out and do something that’s more and fun and creative and at the same time leaves me enough time for parenting too. I chose to work even after having a baby as I didn’t want to give up my financial independence and more so utilise the education and capabilities that my parents have instilled in me. I believe my genes have taken a cue from my mother’s when it comes to my professional capabilities. But yes, I surely dream of a life in which I don’t have to rush at 6 am to my workplace and work on 'the sacred' Sundays. Despite little cribbing as we all do I thank my stars for giving me an opportunity to work at one of the best companies and with some of the best people who are not just very fine professionals but great human beings too.

My daily highs come from little things like my coffee without any disturbance around me, a stroll in park, cooking for my daughter and she finishing off her meal, my baby’s kiss, a glass of good wine, chatting (read cribbing and scheming) with that close friend and confidante, my hubby appreciating home-cooked meal (I am still a novice in the kitchen) are some of the little things that give me happiness on a daily basis. I am blessed to have a better half who has not only supported me but has also encouraged me to get back to work. His support in small day to day activities mean a lot to me!

My best stress buster is the time I spend with my child. I believe in religion and rituals as they give me peace and strength. I also believe in Nichrin Diashonin's Buddhism philosophy so I chant to deal with the every-day stresses of life. I read the literature of this philosophy, something that inspires me and uplifts when I feel low. Sometimes I go for a walk alone listening to music. I also believe in spiritual healing and often resort to wine and beer therapy to keep calm ;)

I was born and brought up in a joint family in Delhi. Both my parents I would say till date are thorough professionals who worked their best to give quality upbringing and education to their children. I grew up as a spoilt child thanks to a very doting father. Like any other child I have immense respect for my mother who balanced job and home responsibilities quiet well...Its definitely not every woman's cup of tea especially the kind of expectations Indian society has from women. She didn’t quit even when she was transferred to another city, especially in an era which did not really encourage women to work. I guess that was possible only with my father’s support. According to me, he is what Raymonds would define as the perfect man! 

I may not have topped in academics but was always considered bright. I faced opposition from my parents in major decisions of my life like choosing journalism career, picking TV journalism job, buying my own house at a young age of 25, my choice of marriage partner but I think I can say I made them proud in all my choices!

My life-altering event is something that still scares me. Few years back my mother was diagnosed with blood cancer. That was a long period of struggle for which we were not ready. No one would be, but I consider me and my family very lucky. I started respecting life even more. This event took out all fears out of me & made me a stronger person. Life is full of surprises - it can change overnight, for good or bad!

Motto for life – Enjoy each day as you don’t know about tomorrow!

The Guilt-tripper

I am a 34-year old restless person who is forever planning ‘something different’. I initiate projects but lack the patience for execution. I want to do too many things at the same time – have a 9-5 job, hold weekend baking classes, read fiction, write spooky stories and spend relaxed evenings with my family. But all this makes me a guilt-ridden person too. A guilt-ridden mom since I spend less time with my son now. As a daughter who has not taken her mom out for a shopping spree in the last three years. As an absentee friend who can never take out time for her best friend.  As a wife who says no to dates and as an aspiring fiction writer who is still not able to overcome mediocrity.

I am fair and average height (don’t listen to my husband!) and slightly on the heavy side (my son calls my tummy jelly belly so I guess you get the drift). I have two beautiful eyes, two chins and two chicken arms. There is no subtlety in my smile – I am all for baring all your teeth and grinning when you are happy, irrespective of the level of happiness so there! hope I drew a beautiful picture for you. Big earrings and a big purse, colorful eye liners and bangles along with a straight posture- all these things make me feel pretty. err pretty clothes too of course.

Waking up to the smell of coffee brewing, my child saying I love you before he says good night, and my weight staying under that number every morning. These are my daily small achievements that make me say yay… A jog (read brisk walking) in a lush park, baking a good bread and reading a good book uninterrupted are the simple things that make me very happy enough to start singing loudly (my definition of very happy). My dream is to work for the New Yorker someday! But on a more practical note, I hope one day I will be able to go for an early morning walk or even a late-night walk without the fear of getting raped or abducted.

My life-altering moment could actually be called life-altering self realization! It was when i quit work after a decade. I wanted to enjoy life as a homemaker. Within the first month I was back on naukri.com looking for a job! I realized I can never be happy sitting at home.

I was raised in a small city in a middle-class-joint-family, so, I guess I learnt to adjust early. I studied in a nun-dominated missionary school and grew up in a house full of girls so i am not very comfortable dealing with the opposite sex even now. Right from my childhood i was made to understand that i needed to be on my own feet & toes when i grew up which has made me a bit OCD about being gainfully employed all the time but back then I was the official black sheep of the family since I broke the trend and studied commerce instead of science. Needless to say my father was disappointed since he wanted doctor, engineer kids. I disappointed him further my announcing my intent to be a journalist. To dissuade me he made me meet a jhola-clad, bicycle-riding seasoned journalist but I preserved (we negotiated and settled on ‘business journalism’ to be exact!) and I am glad to say he was teary eyed often when he saw my name in print. In the last 12 years i have tried my hands at being an assistant show producer, full time journalist, banker-researcher, freelance writer and a baking coach. The current (4 months to be exact) field of occupation is communication.  Amen to that.  

Life’s motto - What goes around, comes around, so be good to people always. 

Seeking Sanctity In Words

                                                 



Ï am someone who is still lost in this mystery of life, still discovering new things about myself which Ï didn't know  a few years back. Ï am a stay at home mom for a few hours, a loving wife for a few hours and the few hours which Ï have left is for pampering me. I am very possessive and slightly touchy about people/work encroaching on the 'me time'. no kidding there! To describe myself i would say I am short and fair. What makes me feel pretty are my eyes but if you stare too hard at them you will discover the difference in colors. seriously serious. What also makes me feel pretty are comfortable clothes in pastel shades, my naturally black hair (they shine when brushed with a heavy hand) and my smile. Ï feel if the heart is happy we will have a natural glow so Ï try to keep myself happy always and I do get asked very often the secret of my glow so there you are! 

I know I am a moody and sentimental woman but I can be a better person if I am more soft-spoken and gentler in my communication (I totally blame it on being raised in a patriarchical household) and stop myself from being over frank (I need to THINK before I speak). My daily dose of happiness comes from catching the early morning sunrays in my balcony, with my coffee on one side and my paint and easel on the other. The other daily ritual things that keep me sanguine are weaving words into verse, the sound of rain splashing on windows, reading novels, soul soothing music and the naughty smile on my son’s face when he is up to some mischief. But I am happiest whenever I travel to India as I get to meet my family only a few times in the year. My de-stressing technique is something that I need to do daily for a  few minutes or even a couple of hours if time permits -painting, writing poetry, trying out new recipes.

The story of my life began just a few years back. I know it sounds puzzling so let me start again. A few years back I was a lost soul who didn’t know what to do with her life, looking for ways to make friends, pass time. And then I stumbled into the world of blogging. It opened non-existent till now doors for me. I discovered that I could cook ,write about it ,paint ,take nice pictures and few months back discovered something  else - I can write in verse .So yes I love my life as I am doing so many things now that until a few years back I wouldn't have thought of. So many things didn't work out in my favor but that didn't deter me. It made me stronger so yes life is beautiful and sometimes there are obstacles in our path but the only way to go on is to move on. "It’s all up to us whether we want to get scared of bleeding and stop or bleed and walk ahead."